Five Stages
by next-to-nerdy
Summary: Based on the five stages of death and grief. Written from Sams POV. Denial, Anger, Barganing, Depression, Acceptance. Dean only has one year to live. How does one deal with their own mortality. AU.
1. Denial

**Denial**

Days after it happened, Dean was back to being Dean. If I happened to mention the fact that he sold his soul for me, at first he would simply glare at me in that oh so very Dean way, a warning to drop the subject or suffer the consequences. It's not that I couldn't handle said consequences, but I understood. A week or so later, I began to bring it up again, hoping maybe now it would have all sunk in. No, he would smile, look me in the eye, and say "Sam, it'll all work out, it alway does." or "Sam, don't worry about it." or "Sam, quit your bitching!". The last remark usually made me laugh, but this was no laughing matter. My brother only had a year to live and it was my fault. What made it worse, was the Dean was in denial about his own mortality.


	2. Anger

**Anger**

It took Dean quite a while to realize his time on earth was coming to a close. And, try as I might, I could find no way to save him. Three months in, and still nothing. Yeah, I know demons are tricky, i've been around them all my life, but there is usually some sort of loophole in the contract. Nothing.

What made it worse was watching Dean slowly corrode. He took any hunt he could, picked any fight he could manage, and would yell at me for little things like where his keys were. He had become reckless. They say the most dangerous person is someone with nothing left to lose. Well, they were right. Dean's anger built up and he was a time bomb of rage. I can recall one particular hunt where he beat information out of a poor man to the point we had to call an Ambulance. I will never forget the look in his eyes. I knew for a fact this was a a direct result of his deal. What did Dean care, he was dying anyway.

How can I help him?


	3. Barganing

**Barganing**

Come month ten, Dean stopped his anger filled tirades and began spending every waking hour helping me find a solution. I knew he wanted to live. Dean had always been the self sacrificing type, but when faced with his own mortality, he found something to live for, me. With the war we created by opening the gate to hell, my safety has become severly jeopardized. I feel he now sees that I won't survive without him. And I won't. Not physically or emotionally. Dean had always been my emotional rock.

One night, I woke up to nothing. We had gone to sleep in a dingy motel room, Dean in the other bed, but he was now no where to be seen. I sprung up from my bed to see if he was possibly in the bathroom, but nothing. I happened to glance out the window to see his precious car gone. Then I understood. Not far from where we were staying was a crossroads. He had gone to pleed for his life, or perhaps bargan for more time.

I waited until he returned hours later and the look on his face said all. He was sullen and sad, yet still hiding his grief. I could always see through Dean's masks. He sat on his bed and took off his shoes, tossing them aside. He said nothing to me. I think he knew I understood. He was a damned man.


	4. Depression

**Depression**

Dean was never the same after being rejected by the demon. With only a few weeks left on his contract, he slipped into dispair. Undertsnadably so. Hunting was no longer a passion and he spent most of his time sitting at the hotel room window, staring at his Impala. He was going to miss that damn car. And I can't say that I won't miss him bitching at me when I ask to drive it.

Depression does not suit Dean. He dosn't sleep, he barely eats, and he no longer goes and picks up loose women...the opposite sex apparently held no intrest for him anymore, which worried me more then anything. I'm running out of time for him. No where, in every ancient text I search through, no matter who I call for help, is there reprieve for Dean.


	5. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

I couldn't do it. I failed him so horribly that I will never be able to live with myself. Dean is gone. The demon came for him with a huge smile plastered on its disgusting face. But, for all the struggling he has been through, he simply let the demon take him without a fuss. I, helplessly pinned against a far wall, had to watch as Dean damned himself to hell. I will never get the Image of him looking back at me with a half hearted smile and a small nod, his sad goodbye, before he turned, squared his shoulders, held his head up high, and dissappeared.

Only then was I released from my invisable bonds to fall in a weeping heap on the floor. I was now alone, left to suffer my destiny. My brother, the invincable Dean Winchester, was in hell.

Could I go on without him? No, probably not. Would I leave him to his fate? No. Dad got out of hell, and I will sure as shit gonna get Dean out if i had to climb into the pit myself.


End file.
